Wind/Pinball (1979/1980) by Haruki Murakami & the Existential Mood of Being Forgotten

“There are wells, deep wells, dug in our hearts. Birds fly over them.”

cg fewstonWind/Pinball: Two Novels by Haruki Murakami

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Wind/Pinball (1979/1980) by Haruki Murakami are his two earliest novellas set in Tokyo, Japan with a nameless narrator roaming the night streets and sleeping with twins while his friend Rat struggles with a daily life filled with an indescribable loneliness.

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The first novella, Hear the Wind Sing, won the Gunzo Literary Journal Prize for new writers in the late seventies as a 99-page book, slim and profoundly deep.

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Haruki Murakami, Japanese Novelist (born 1949)

In the introduction of the book which features both novellas republished in 2015, Murakami explains how he was able to create his unique voice in the Japanese language and responds to many critics noting his work has the feel of a translation:

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“Since the opening passages of my first novella were, quite literally, ‘translated,’” writes Murakami, “the comment is not entirely wrong; it applies merely to my process of writing. What I was seeking by writing first in English and then ‘translating’ into Japanese was no less than the creation of an unadorned ‘neutral’ style that would allow me freer movement…

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“It is the inherent right of all writers to experiment with the possibilities of language in every way they can imagine—without that adventurous spirit, nothing new can ever be born” (p xv).

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From this quote alone one can tell Murakami had no formal training in creative writing found in MFA programs in the Occidental world, because many such programs—as I found out firsthand—does not respond well to experimentation; a shut-up-and-right-this-way approach dominates much of the creative writing pedagogy in the north Americas, and any deviation from this norm is often viewed as egotistical and arrogant.

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Haruki Murakami, Japanese Novelist (born 1949)

In the Orient, MFAs have popped up in recent years but are not widely accepted as a practical degree. In 2015, City University of Hong Kong—the university where I currently teach writing and literature as a Visiting Fellow—banned the MFA and canceled the popular degree despite making a profit. The Asian world, it seems to the administration at CityU, is not ready for creative writers and artists who exhibit too much free expression.

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Despite this lack of formal training, Murakami’s approach, to write in a second language then translate back into his native language, worked extremely well by allowing him to trim down the language naturally through his limited vocabulary, and this created the ‘neutral’ tone he sought.

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And Fata—old Fate or Destiny, call it what one will—smiled down on the young Murakami as he tells of the day he somehow knew in his soul he would win the literary prize for his first book:

“I got out of bed, washed up, got dressed, and went for a walk with my wife. Just when we were passing the local elementary school, I noticed a passenger pigeon hiding in the shrubbery. When I picked it up I saw that it seemed to have a broken wing…

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“As I walked there along the side streets of Harajuku, the warmth of the wounded pigeon sank into my hands. I felt it quivering. That Sunday was bright and clear, and the trees, the buildings, and the shopwindows sparkled beautifully in the spring sunlight.

“That’s when it hit me. I was going to win the prize. And I was going to go on to become a novelist who would enjoy some degree of success. It was an audacious presumption, but I was sure at that moment that it would happen. Completely sure. Not in a theoretical way, but directly and intuitively” (p xvi).

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Despite the fact that passenger pigeons became extinct in 1914—one can be forgiving—if Murakami had written this statement before he won the prize, much of the populous would have taken him as an arrogant writer who lacks a restrained ego—and this happens too often in the literary universe fueled by shy writers and artists afraid to express themselves freely. Regardless, Murakami felt the Universe at work within his introns and he won the prize, and ever-after his work has held a respect for the ever-working powers of the Universe hidden behind perceived reality.

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“A gulf separates what we attempt to perceive from what we are actually able to perceive,” writes Murakami in the opening pages of Hear the Wind Sing, “It is so deep that it can never be calculated, however long our measuring stick. What I can set down here is no more than a list. It’s not a novel or even literature, nor is it art. It’s just a notebook with a line drawn down the middle. It may contain something of a moral, though…

“If you’re the sort of guy who raids the refrigerators of silent kitchens at three o’clock in the morning, you can only write accordingly.

“That’s who I am” (p 7).

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And so begins the nameless narrator’s adventure, and Murakami’s innate skill at capturing the unexpected details of the young university student’s life sketch what the human condition must be like across the nature of society and culture and language—a man waking up to a strange woman in his bed:

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“I finished my smoke and then wasted the next ten minutes attempting to recall her name. The problem was I couldn’t remember if she’d mentioned it in the first place. Giving up, I yawned and took another look at her body. She was on the skinny side, probably a year or two shy of twenty. Using my open hand, I measured her from head to toe. Eight hand lengths, with a thumb left over for her heel. It added up to precisely five feet three inches.

“There was a coin-sized mark the color of Worcestershire sauce below her right breast. Her delicate pubic hair reminded me of river grass after a flood. To top things off, her left hand had only four fingers” (p 21).

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But this is not a love story. Instead, Murakami recreates a Japanese-version of Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom from John Updike’s Rabbit, Run. The tales capture the angst of youth and the quixotic quest seeking to discover more to what experience can give, but Murakami lacks Updike’s supremacy in the use of the English language, and Murakami comes off reading like a fifth grader attempting to recreate Shakespeare.

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Despite Murakami’s elementary use of the English language, which does make for a swift read, the author digs deep into his soul to question the norms and basic understandings of morality:

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“Lies are terrible things,” Murakami writes, “One could say that the greatest sins afflicting modern society are the proliferation of lies and silence. We lie through our teeth, then swallow our tongues.

“All the same, were we to speak only the truth all year round, then the truth might lose its value” (p 84).

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While the novella does not quite center on any one particular theme, Murakami does dive deeper into the psyche as the young woman asks the young man about death and evolution:

“‘Why do people die?’

“‘Because of evolution. An individual organism can’t sustain the amount of energy that evolution requires; evolution has to work its way through generations. That’s just one theory, of course.’

“‘So are we still evolving?’

“‘Bit by bit.’

“‘Why is that necessary?’

“‘Opinions are divided on that, too. The only thing we know for sure is that the universe itself is evolving. We can’t tell if it’s heading in any particular direction, or if some greater force is intervening, but we do know that evolution is for real, and that we are only a part of the process.’ I set my bourbon down and lit a cigarette.

“‘No one knows where that energy comes from,’ I said.



“She stirred the ice in her drink with her finger and studied the white tablecloth.

“‘I guess a hundred years after my death no one will remember I ever existed.’

“‘Probably not,’ I said” (p 86).

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So this dark mood of draining existentialism predominates the first novella as Murakami does leave the reader with some clue as to the meaning of the narrator’s wayward journey:

“All things pass. None of us can manage to hold on to anything. In that way, we live our lives” (p 97).

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Murakami does focus on the coming and going of people throughout the story, that sad repetition of powerlessness which fills the passing seasons of a person’s life as they recognize their inability to truly hold on to anything, and he continues this thread of thought in the sequel called Pinball, 1973 about the same nameless narrator who now works as a translator by day and plays as a pinball pro by night, when he finally returns home to twins who live with him and are also nameless, identified by the numbers 208 and 209 on their sweatshirts.

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“One season had opened the door and left, while another had entered through a second door,” Murakami writes, “You might run to the open door and call out, Wait, there’s something I forgot to tell you! But no one is there. When you close the door, you turn around to see the new season sitting in a chair, lighting up a cigarette. If you forgot to tell him something, he says, then why not tell me? I might pass the message along if I get the chance. No, that’s all right, you say. It’s no big deal. The sound of wind fills the room. No, big deal. Just another season dead and gone” (p 131-132).

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Murakami captures a sadness that must have filled his own life during the 1970s in a Japan learning to grow and stretch its legs in a bleak world of corporate conformity and mundanity—not too dissimilar to the world we find ourselves in today—while the nameless narrator’s friend Rat contemplates his own life and future filled with a hopeless strife:

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“When at last he reached the beacon, the Rat sat down on the end of the pier and studied the sky. It was dark blue as far as the eye could see, with streaks of cloud that looked painted by an artist’s brush. The blue seemed bottomless; its depth made the Rat’s legs tremble in awe. Everything was so vivid, the smell of the ocean, the color of the wind. Taking his time, the Rat drank in the scene that lay before him, then turned around. Now he was looking at his own world, so separate from the deep sea. The white beach and the breakwater, the flattened row of green pines, and, behind them, ranged against the sky, the sharp outlines of the bluish-black mountains…

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“When the sky darkened he would take the same path back to his own world. This return, though, was always accompanied by an ineffable sadness. The world awaiting him out there was just too big, too powerful; there seemed to be no place where we could burrow into it” (p 142-143).

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As the season changes, the nameless narrator and the twins drive to the reservoir outside of Tokyo to bury the dead, a worn-out telephone switch panel which has lost its use.

“The area turned out to be populated by hordes of dogs, who milled around in the rain like a school of yellowtail in an aquarium. As a result, I spent a lot of time leaning on the horn. The dogs showed no interest whatsoever in either the rain or our car. In fact, they looked downright pissed off by my honking, although they scampered out of the way. It was impossible, of course, for them to avoid the rain. They were all soaked right down to their butt holes—some resembled the otter in Balzac’s story, others reminded me of meditating Buddhist priests.

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“One of the twins inserted a cigarette between my lips and lit it. Then she placed her little hand on the inner thigh of my cotton trousers and moved it up and down a few times. It seemed less a caress than an attempt to verify something.

“The rain looked as if it would continue forever. October rains are like that—they just go on and on until every last thing is soaked. The ground was a swamp. It was a chilly, unforgiving world: the trees, the highway, the fields, the cars, the houses, and the dogs, all were drenched.

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“We climbed a stretch of mountain road, drove through a thick stand of trees, and there was the reservoir. Because of the rain there wasn’t a soul around. Raindrops rippled the water’s surface as far as the eye could see. The sight of the reservoir in the rain moved me in a way I hadn’t expected…

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“One of the twins took the switch panel from the paper bag and handed it to me. In the rain it looked even more pathetic than usual.

“‘Now say a prayer,’ one of the twins said.

“‘A prayer?’ I cried in surprise.

“‘It’s a funeral. There’s got to be a prayer.’

“‘But I’m not ready.’ I said. ‘I don’t know any prayers by heart.’

“‘Any old prayer is all right,’ one said.

“‘It’s just formality,’ added the other.

“I stood there, soaked from head to toenails, searching for something appropriate to say. The twins’ eyes traveled back and forth between the switch panel and me. They were obviously worried.

“‘The obligation of philosophy,’ I began, quoting Kant, ‘is to dispel all illusions borne of misunderstanding…Rest in peace, ye switch panel, at the bottom of this reservoir’” (p 175-176).

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Murakami, is at times, depressing and overly methodical in his obsession with Kant and philosophy, but this too does seem appropriate for the dark mood of existentialism he presents throughout both novellas.

And so I feel ending on a brighter note is far more appropriate and rewarding than not, despite such endings in real life being far less happy than the ones we find in the books we read.

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“On any given day,” Murakami writes, “something can come along and steal our hearts. It may be any old thing: a rosebud, a lost cap, a favorite sweater from childhood, and old Gene Pitney record. A miscellany of trivia with no home to call their own. Lingering for two or three days, that something soon disappears, returning to the darkness. There are wells, deep wells, dug in our hearts. Birds fly over them” (p 182).

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With many blessings, we return into the darkness—until next time—and perhaps from now to then something will come along and steal our hearts away, making our days a bit brighter and happier.

Until then, keep reading and smiling…

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cg fewston

The American novelist CG FEWSTON has been a Visiting Scholar at the American Academy in Rome (Italy), a Visiting Fellow at Hong Kong’s CityU, & he’s a been member of the Hemingway Society, Americans for the Arts, PEN America, Club Med, & the Royal Society of Literature. He’s also a been Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce (RSA) based in London. He’s the author of several short stories and novels. His works include A Fathers Son (2005), The New America: A Collection (2007), The Mystics Smile ~ A Play in 3 Acts (2007), Vanity of Vanities (2011), A Time to Love in Tehran (2015), Little Hometown, America (2020); A Time to Forget in East Berlin (2022), and Conquergood & the Center of the Intelligible Mystery of Being (2023).

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He has a B.A. in English, an M.Ed. in Higher Education Leadership (honors), an M.A. in Literature (honors), and an M.F.A. in Creative Writing & Fiction. He was born in Texas in 1979.

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cg fewston

Conquergood & the Center of the Intelligible Mystery of Being is a captivating new dystopian science fiction novel by CG Fewston, an author already making a name for himself with his thought-provoking work. Set in the year 2183, Conquergood is set in a world where one company, Korporation, reigns supreme and has obtained world peace, through oppression... The world-building in the novel is remarkable. Fewston has created a believable and authentic post-apocalyptic society with technological wonders and thought-provoking societal issues. The relevance of the themes to the state of the world today adds an extra wrinkle and makes the story even more compelling.”

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cg fewston

“A spellbinding tale of love and espionage set under the looming shadow of the Berlin Wall in 1975… A mesmerising read full of charged eroticism.”

Ian Skewis, Associate Editor for Bloodhound Books, & author of best-selling novel A Murder of Crows (2017)  

“An engrossing story of clandestine espionage… a testament to the lifestyle encountered in East Berlin at the height of the Cold War.”

“There is no better way for readers interested in Germany’s history and the dilemma and cultures of the two Berlins to absorb this information than in a novel such as this, which captures the microcosm of two individuals’ love, relationship, and options and expands them against the blossoming dilemmas of a nation divided.”

~ D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

A Time to Forget in East Berlin is a dream-like interlude of love and passion in the paranoid and violent life of a Cold War spy. The meticulous research is evident on every page, and Fewston’s elegant prose, reminiscent of novels from a bygone era, enhances the sensation that this is a book firmly rooted in another time.”

~ Matthew Harffy, prolific writer & best-selling historical fiction author of the “Bernicia Chronicles” series

“Vivid, nuanced, and poetic…” “Fewston avoids familiar plot elements of espionage fiction, and he is excellent when it comes to emotional precision and form while crafting his varied cast of characters.” “There’s a lot to absorb in this book of hefty psychological and philosophical observations and insights, but the reader who stays committed will be greatly rewarded.”

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GOLD Winner in the 2020 Human Relations Indie Book Awards for Contemporary Realistic Fiction

FINALIST in the SOUTHWEST REGIONAL FICTION category of the 14th Annual National Indie Excellence 2020 Awards (NIEA)

“Readers of The Catcher in the Rye and similar stories will relish the astute, critical inspection of life that makes Little Hometown, America a compelling snapshot of contemporary American life and culture.”

“Fewston employs a literary device called a ‘frame narrative’ which may be less familiar to some, but allows for a picture-in-picture result (to use a photographic term). Snapshots of stories appear as parts of other stories, with the introductory story serving as a backdrop for a series of shorter stories that lead readers into each, dovetailing and connecting in intricate ways.”

~ D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

“The American novelist CG FEWSTON tells a satisfying tale, bolstered by psychology and far-ranging philosophy, calling upon Joseph Campbell, J. D. Salinger, the King James Bible, and Othello.”

“In this way, the author lends intellectual heft to a family story, exploring the ‘purity’ of art, the ‘corrupting’ influences of publishing, the solitary artist, and the messy interconnectedness of human relationships.”

“Fewston’s lyrical, nostalgia-steeped story is told from the perspective of a 40-year-old man gazing back on events from his 1980s Texas childhood…. the narrator movingly conveys and interprets the greater meanings behind childhood memories.”

“The novel’s focus on formative childhood moments is familiar… the narrator’s lived experiences come across as wholly personal, deeply felt, and visceral.”

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American Novelist CG FEWSTON


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This is my good friend, Nicolasa (Nico) Murillo, CRC, who is a professional chef & a wellness mentor. I’ve known her since childhood & I’m honored to share her story with you. In life, we all have ups & downs, some far more extreme than others. Much like in Canada, in America, the legalization of marijuana has become a national movement, which includes safe & legal access to cannabis (marijuana) for therapeutic use & research for all.

“This is a wellness movement,” Nico explains. The wellness movement is focused on three specific areas: information, encouragement, & accountability.

In these stressful & unprecedented times, it makes good sense to promote & encourage the state or condition of being in good physical & mental health.

To learn more you can visit: Americans For Safe Access & Texans for Safe Access, ASA (if you are in Texas).

The mission of Americans for Safe Access (ASA) is to ensure safe and legal access to cannabis (marijuana) for therapeutic use and research.


TEXANS FOR SAFE ACCESS ~ share the mission of their national organization, Americans for Safe Access (ASA), which is to ensure safe and legal access to cannabis (marijuana) for therapeutic use and research, for all Texans.


Stay safe & stay happy. God bless.


Nico Murillo Bio ~ Americans & Texans for Safe Access ~ Medical Cannabis



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3 comments on “Wind/Pinball (1979/1980) by Haruki Murakami & the Existential Mood of Being Forgotten

  1. some of those covers are amazing. just lovely. i’m inspired.

  2. Pingback: What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: A Memoir (2009) by Haruki Murakami & the Duty of Being a True Novelist | CG FEWSTON

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